“For the earnest student, taking responsibility means never forgetting to have fun.”
(Taken from “Notes From The Universe”)
I awoke today so grateful for the abundance of comforts in my life—my wonderful bed and my sanctuary apartment. The blessed support groups I belong to and my open heart to the divine unknown.
Yet, as is common after waking, almost immediately following those feelings of wonder came feelings of lack. The mind does this, right? As soon as my heart opens up, my ego becomes afraid and thinks it still has to keep me safe. It says to me, “Why do you feel blessed? You know you’re not where you want to be.” and “How will you make enough money or ever have companionship again?”
Well, I have learned enough about my ego to know that whatever it says is a bunch of bunk.
It’s my soul that tells me what’s real, and I have trusted myself and the Universe for long enough to know that my abundance is already out there. Yup, it’s just waiting for me. So I am very conscious and aware when I am not in that high vibration to attract it into my life.
So here’s the thing…..
I am an excellent student—always have been. I am the one who gets straight A’s. I’m the over-achiever, the uber-prepared and the problem solver because I felt I had to prove my worth. But even though I can feel my truth now, I am still trying to get that perfect “A” –this time on my spiritual journey of self-healing.
When people ask me, “Oh, are you dating anyone yet?” I automatically say, “Oh no! I still have so much more healing and work to do on myself.”
Them: “Got any plans this weekend? Wanna go to the movies?”
Me: “Oh, sorry. I have so much to writing to catch up on for my Blog.”
Them: “Wanna go for a drink after work?”
Me: “Wow, I wish I could. I have 3 self-help courses I’m working on right now.”
What is that?
That feels like a block to me. Am I telling myself (and the Universe) that I am not ready to move on—that I’m not enough yet? Am I closing myself off under the strictness and discipline of “getting better”?
It feels like a suppression. A denial of what my soul actually wants–to have fun and receive!
Receive! Receive! Receive! Yes, it has been long enough now and I am passionate to receive the love and joy I have to give. And I am ready to be in the flow of allowing and instead of trying so hard. Nothing is going to pass me by because I go out to dinner with a friend. I’m not going to backtrack and fall under someone’s spell again if I lean toward what feels light to my spirit.
So even though I want to find out more about the young woman in me who wasn’t aware she was being manipulated and tricked and silenced, I also want to be free and to welcome joy and love into my life again. There is no “done now!” in self-exploration. I don’t have to wait for all the answers before I allow myself to accept love and be more playful and joyous. I don’t have to take my healing so seriously. And I don’t have to choose one over the other.
I know that the unravelling of falsehoods naturally begins in the presence of attracting and receiving Joy. This is the place where I heal the most—this open space of allowing light into my life.
So this is the place where I get to “lighten up”! This is where I get to have fun! Be playful! Goof off!
This is the place where I remember who I am.
This is the place where I raise my vibration for all I desire and all I want to gift.
This is the place where I get to live my soul’s purpose.
Today I choose light over heavy in all aspects of my life and I know my outer world will mirror my inner condition.